I Got the Same Old Speech Again Today. . .

I just want to say that it has been a long time since I've written in this because I've been dealing with some serious "bummers." I don't want to say "depression," because that would definitely be unkind to people who are legitimately clinically depressed, but yes. . . I have been feeling down. Truthfully, I still feel pretty low, and it's this kind of energy that stifles my creativity. However, I will try to keep up with this blog and not let it be another scrap project.

A couple weeks back, I visited my doctor regarding an injury. After taking out his flashlight and examining me, he gave me some sound advice and reminded me that I'm "not Superman."

This sparked something in me. How many times have I heard that one? I've never claimed to be Superman, and of course my doctor has the balls to assume I'm just another reckless youth. My father always made sure to scare the crap out of me as well as guilt me with money issues to make sure I'd generally not make any stupid moves.

But enough on that. Perhaps completely unrelated, but I got another speech today that I've heard one too many times. Today, I was mandated to go to a reading for my poetry class. The poet I heard read was phenomenal. (I'll probably review his book in a later post.) The writer is very out there, using weird images such as "boners" and "fucking sheep."

Afterward, the floor was open to questions and answers. My teacher usually begs her students to ask questions. Casually, I asked, "Personally I'm a fan of your work, and I was wondering how do your fellow peers and colleagues feel about your work when you use images such as 'boners' and 'fucking sheep'?"

He was absolutely inspiring. He was an established writer who never compromised his style. I mean, he would not do anything to lose his job, so he definitely showcases the appropriate work for the right setting. (e.g. he won't talk about boners to a room full of elderly scholars.)

I love how he said things like, "I'm not writing to please the upper academia. Just write what you feel works." By the end of his response, I felt enlightened and inspired that this man was willing to just come off as down to earth, and he wasn't all "up the ass" about being on top of the writing hierarchical ladder.

So here comes the punchline: my teacher talks to me after class and said it was inappropriate about how I spoke. Basically, I'm not supposed to talk in that casual, unprofessional way with a writer; this esteemed poet is not my friend. She said the only person who had the right to talk to the poet that way would be her.

I'm really sick of academic bullshit. First and foremost, I felt my question really stimulated conversation in a positive way. Other students thanked me after the reading, saying that my discussion with the poet really made others feel comfortable about asking their questions. Second, all the other students were asking "cookie cutter" questions about structure. I have never met a poet who seemed interested in talking too much about why he chose to write a poem in couplets.

Lastly, I've definitely lost respect for my teacher. I still think she's a nice lady, but definitely one who strokes her own academic ego. If I could, I'd tell her, "I'm sorry. I completely forgot that writers are not human beings. They are gods. I will humble myself and remember my place, oh great master."